#1: White Zombie (1932)
Allow me to set the scene: I was on a beer run and saw a run-down looking discount grocery store. Common sense should dictate that you need a license to sell alcohol and this place wouldn't have any, but I was on four hours of sleep and in something of a zombie-like state myself. The store was set off the road up a hill in what was probably once a lively shopping plaza, but was now deserted save for the aforementioned store and a "discount tobacco supply" that just screamed "drug trafficking front."
The store had a limited number of items, but mass quantities of what it did have: a pillar of pickle jars, a mountain of instant mashed potatoes. The prices weren't actually that low and the expiration dates were coming up, so I navigated through the toothless hillbilly hoards in the direction of the exit. Then it caught my eye: Halloween DVD's, 99 cents.
99 cents?! That's less than a dollar!
They were what you'd expect: ancient public domain flicks badly encoded onto single layer DVDs, stuck into thin cases, sold by weight and not content. This can be a good thing; I can actually say I've seen "You Bet Your Life" with the always-entertaining Groucho Marx thanks to such releases. None from this batch looked particularly interesting, but one title stuck out: White Zombie.
I was vaguely aware this was a movie, but intimately familiar with the band of the same name. I'm no metalhead, but White Zombie's brand of metal-rock has always appealed to me, and I'm a sucker for any band that takes a horror theme. I figure if Rob Zombie named his first big band after this flick, it's either really really good or really really bad... and I like both of those kinds of movies.
I swear I'll talk about the movie, but first we have to look at the packaging; that's the real treat. Bela Lugosi (Dracula from Universal's iconic 1931 version of the story) is the headliner for both films on this discount disc. In addition to White Zombie, we get Invisible Ghost, another flick you can probably find for free online. I should mention that: no need to pay 99 cents for White Zombie; it's been archived here for free. The back of the case boasts that the disc is "Compatible with All DVD Players," in other words it's Region 0 so they can sell the same stock anywhere in the world. The disc has a version of the official DVD format logo, just not the official one. I wonder what would prevent them from using the actual logo? Also, the films are purported to be in color, even though directly above this statement we have eight screenshots that say otherwise. As for features, this lovely collector's edition of the 1932 classic White Zombie (and also Invisible Ghost) has "SCENE SELECTION AUTO START". How thoughtful. Scene selection. For a movie. Oh, you shouldn't have.
AUTO START means that as soon as you pop this sucker in your DVD player the first movie plays. But I enjoy the whole package, so I took the time to find the "Menu" button on my player and was sent to a silent, static screen featuring two mock-up movie posters with associated "PLAY>" buttons. And below that... BONUS.
BONUS.
A fullscreen image of some of the other public domain movies this company has reproduced for nickles and dimes, and their web address. There's not even a button to get back to the previous menu. You are stuck here. So you might as well get real acquainted with your DVD remote, or get up and eject the disc, or just shove fingers up your ass to see how many you can fit in there because YOU ARE NEVER LEAVING THIS MENU ALIVE MOTHER FUCKER!!
I'd give you the web address, but it doesn't work anyway. Better not to dwell on it.
As a film (rather than a DVD EXPERIENCE), White Zombie is... enjoyable. At the outset, a young couple travels through Haiti in a horse-drawn carriage. The driver stops when he sees
Bela Lugosi sporting some Ras Al Ghul beard-age. Lugosi (whose character's name, we finally learn at the end of the film, is "Murder", no I am not making this shit up) walks up to the carriage awkwardly, slowly, reaches in and takes the woman's scarf. Just them, Murder's henchmen lurk over a hill, causing the driver to shout "zombies!" and hasten the horses on. All the woman can remark is "that man took my scarf." Lady, there are zombies outside. Zombies. It was a nice scarf. Very long. And white. But. Zombies. For crying out loud.
... which is exactly what I thought until a comprehensive web search (really just IMDB and Wikipedia) revealed that this is supposedly the first zombie movie ever created. Holy smokes. You have my attention now, White Zombie.
So it makes sense that no one seems to care about the "zombies!". Moments later we're given a brief description of what a zombie is, probably new information to audiences in 1932!
Without giving away too much of the plot (also I've been drinking and I'd like to wrap this up before I can't write anymore), I'll comment on the quality of the production itself. There were numerous instances of missing footage, probably magnetic tape that had deteriorated beyond salvation prior to archival. Characters would occasionally teleport about the room, reappearing in mid-sentence. Being as old as it is, the DVD transfer looked like ass. Hairy ass. Audio drop outs, perpetual flicker, some celluloid tearing... and I was eating carrots while watching it, so I didn't pick up on half of the tinny audio anyway. Maybe that's why I still have no clue how half of the characters know each other. I suspect some of it wasn't addressed, however. The performances were a mixed bag – a mixed bag where every element in said bag is a turd. A lot of scenes looked unrehearsed. There was one in particular where I swear one of the characters fucks up his line and cracks a smile. But time is celluloid is money, and this wasn't a studio production, so the first take is the only take. As for Lugosi... how I long for the days when being creepy-looking and not talking much was considered acting.
Watching old movies is sort of like looking at art your kids did in Kindergarten. Technically speaking it sucks, but you love it anyway, and you can see the seeds of future greatness. White Zombie is chock full of excessively long takes, boring wide shots, and dissolves between scenes. Jesus Christ the fucking dissolves. It was like,
"Hey Herb, check out this sweet transition I can do between scenes."
"Holy Great Depression! Do that. Every time!"
That was the case for the first half of the movie. Reportedly, the director had to leave halfway through production, and Bela Lugosi himself stepped up to direct a few scenes. Now I don't know if they shot this film in chronological sequence, but I did note a significant difference in quality between the first half and the second half.
I was smacking myself in the head the first time I saw a wipe transition between scenes. There are two types of people who get to use wipes: George Lucas and people who are doing parodies of George Lucas. The first one was almost like a test run for what was around the corner: an actual split-screen sequence. The effect was a little choppy, but it worked. Visually pleasing as it was, it was also at a plot point where a lull starts to head for the climax. That's what we call synergy... I think.
If for nothing else, I appreciate White Zombie for paving the way to today's zombie explosion, and also for getting it right. It is revealed that the zombies aren't actually the risen dead, but living people under a witchdoctor's drug/black magic powers. It acknowledges the actual origins of the zombie phenomenon, and for that alone it deserves praise. It's actually a fun flick, if not methodical and predictable. I'd recommend this to anyone who likes film history, early horror, or just being arrogant about having seen things that others haven't.
Or burly, hairy men.
Z-Man sez: 6/10
