Z13RMD - #4: From Hell It Came (1957)

Z-Man's 13 Random Movies of Damnation

#4: From Hell It Came (1957)




There are very few things in this world that I am afraid of. Some people lay awake at night worrying about sickness and death, or poisonous beasts and insects or vengeful spirits. To all of these concerns I respond with a disdainful "pfft" sound created by passing air through teeth pressed against my bottom lip. My greatest fear is something much more sinister. It's something that I must deal with every day.



Trees.

They're always there, dwarfing us, standing silent, waiting. What are they thinking about? Why don't they speak?! They supply us with oxygen, but ask for nothing in return. What's their angle? I don't trust the "mysterious benefactor" act one bit. And digging through Warner Brother's archive of black sheep projects, I've unearthed a documentary that may provide clues as to their intentions.

From Hell It Came is one of the countless movies that became the title of a Misfits Song. But close scrutiny reveals that the Misfits (post-Danzig) changed the title from "From Hell It Came" to "From Hell They Came." Clearly they realized that the leafy menace wasn't a single entity, that the trees are united against us (except for the bonsai trees – they couldn't hurt anyone).

Note to self: contact Jerry Only. He may know how to combat the trees.

Released in 1957, From Hell It Came fell out of circulation for a long time, probably due in part to the fact that it's boring as fuck and nobody wanted it. It was only a few months ago that Warner Brothers started offering it directly from their website, but IMDB chatter states that when you order it, they send it on a DVD-R! That's the el-cheapo type of DVD that you can burn yourself, the kind with a limited lifespan that your buddy gives you porn on when your girlfriend is out of town. Naturally, when I came across a copy a few years ago taped off French TV (with French subtitles, no less), I had to have it.
From Hell It Came is the story of some American doctors who go to an unnamed island to cure the inhabitants of an illness called "jungle rot." Is that a euphemism for syphilis? All of the islanders are white people who speak in a strange, stinted manner, so I think we can pretty safely say that this island is located somewhere on Lake Ontario. The plot revolves around a guy doctor who wants to marry a girl doctor. The problem is that the girl doctor is scared of commitment. Oh, there's a killer tree in it, too, but that doesn't really come into play until 45 minutes in.

If you've lost track of time, there should be about 5 empty beers for every person viewing the film by the time the tree shows up. That leaves twenty-two minutes for our arboreal antagonist to carry out his revenge. Said revenge is achieved through... um... walking at people. And a chick gets thrown into quicksand. The natives attempt to destroy the tree with fire (stupid Canadians, you can't kill a tree with fire!) Finally the Americans come to the rescue (as always), and end the tree's reign of terror with guns. Remember that: they're weak against guns. The ending brings a tear to my eye; it's just so... patriotic. The natives renounce their witch doctors in favor of medical science ("We know now that American magic is better.") The girl doctor is saved from the tree by the guy doctor, and decides that she's not as free spirited as she thought, and she'd rather be cooking him dinner than traveling the world and curing "jungle rot." God bless America, and God bless the 50's. Every red blooded American should watch From Hell It Came, and remember a time when men were men, women were women, and trees looked nothing like trees, but were still a diabolical menace which must be stopped.
As I write this, there's a small group of trees right outside my window. I have to go now. Should anything happen to me, rest easy knowing that I died exposing the truth about our green neighbors. Ready your hatchets! The day of reckoning is upon us!




Z-Man sez: 2/10 (0 for the film itself, 1 point for the patriotic values, and 1 point for telling us their weakness [guns!])